Start by signaling positive intent and asking permission. This lowers defensiveness, clarifies the goal, and creates a safe space for honest dialogue.

When & Why:

• Set purpose: Anchor the conversation to shared goals (quality, client trust, team flow).
• Ask permission: A simple check-in increases receptivity and respect.
• Time-check: Agree on a short window to keep it focused.

Practical Openers:

• Neutral: “My intention is to help us hit the timeline on Project X. Is now a good time for quick feedback (5 min)?”
• Supportive: “I want to see you win with the client handover. Can I share an observation that could help?”
• Peer-to-Peer: “I care about how we work together. Open to a quick note that might make stand-ups smoother?”
• Upward Feedback: “I’d like to offer input to improve how our updates land with the team. Could we take 5 min?”

Do / Don’t:

• Do: Name the shared goal; get permission; keep it brief.
• Don’t: Ambush with criticism; use labels; skip the time-check.

🎯 Tip: If they say “not now,” respect it and reschedule: “No problem—when works today?”

Focusing on facts rather than judgments ensures that feedback is received as constructive rather than personal criticism. High achievers respond better to factual, objective feedback as it provides clear directions for improvement.

Practical Examples of Factual Behavior:

• Project Setting: Instead of saying "You’re always so unorganized," point out, "In the last three project updates, you didn’t have your materials prepared ahead of time."
• Client Interaction: Replace "You’re not good with clients" with "In the last two client calls, I noticed you didn’t follow up on questions raised during the meeting."

Understanding the context and showing empathy are critical for effective feedback. This ensures that feedback is seen as an opportunity for growth rather than criticism.

Practical Examples for Understanding:

• Workload Challenges: "I’ve noticed fewer updates on your project status; can something be impacting your ability to stay on track?"
• Meeting Contributions: "You’ve been quieter during our brainstorming sessions; is there something affecting your ability to contribute?"

Linking behavior to its broader impact helps high performers see the value of making changes, motivating them to adjust their actions accordingly.

Practical Examples of Impact:

• Missed Deadlines: "When reports are submitted late, it delays the project and adds pressure to the team."
• Communication Breakdown: "When you don’t contribute to meetings, we miss out on your valuable insights, affecting our decision-making."

Listening turns feedback into a two-way conversation. It lowers defensiveness, uncovers context, and builds buy-in for the change.

Practical Examples of Active Listening:

• Invite Their View: "I’ve shared my take — how do you see it?"
• Reflect to Confirm: "So you’re saying the shifting priorities made it hard to meet the deadline — did I get that right?"
• Acknowledge Emotion: "I can hear you’re frustrated about the rework. That makes sense."
• Probe with Curiosity: "What got in the way this time?" · "What would make this easier next time?"
• Check Impact Awareness: "Given this, what do you think the effect was on the team/client?"
• Summarize & Close the Loop: "Here’s what I heard: A, B, C. Did I miss anything?"

🎯 Tip: Use the 3P micro-move — Pause, Paraphrase, Probe — before offering solutions.

Conclude feedback with a focus on future actions. Discuss what can be done differently and how to support the individual’s growth.

Practical Examples for Action Plans:

• "Your project timelines have been slipping; what adjustments can we make to help you meet deadlines?"
• Engage in solution-focused dialogue: "Given what you’ve mentioned, how can we adjust things to help you contribute more effectively?"

Even with a solid framework like BUILD, feedback can be tough — especially when someone doesn’t see the problem, deflects responsibility, or gets defensive. Practicing real conversations helps you stay calm, clear, and constructive under pressure.

Scenario 1: The Defensive High Performer

"You’re exaggerating. I’ve hit all my targets — you’re just focusing on the negative."

Response Using BUILD:

• B: "In last week's team meeting, I noticed you interrupted twice during others’ updates."
• U: "I know you care deeply about delivering results and want the team to perform at its best."
• I: "But when people are cut off, it discourages open communication and limits input from others."
• L: "What’s your view on that? Do you see it differently?"
• D: "Could we agree on some team norms that help everyone speak up while keeping discussions efficient?"

Scenario 2: The Person Who Doesn’t See the Problem

"I honestly don’t think there’s an issue. I’m just doing what I’ve always done."

Response Using BUILD:

• B: "In the last 3 planning sessions, your task updates weren’t aligned with the agreed timelines."
• U: "I get that these projects are complex and priorities can shift fast."
• I: "But it causes confusion for the team and delays downstream activities."
• L: "Can you walk me through how you’ve been planning your updates?"
• D: "Would it help to sync up twice a week for a quick checkpoint?"

Scenario 3: The Blamer

"It’s not my fault. If others did their part, this wouldn’t even be an issue."

Response Using BUILD:

• B: "During the last sprint review, you mentioned the testing delay was due to someone else not delivering."
• U: "I know relying on others can sometimes be frustrating."
• I: "But when we deflect, it weakens trust and doesn’t help fix the issue."
• L: "How do you think we can address these blockers more effectively in the future?"
• D: "Let’s define a clear escalation process if others miss dependencies — so you can stay on track."

Scenario 4: The One Who Minimizes the Impact

"I don’t think it really affected anything — it’s not a big deal."

Response Using BUILD + SBI (Situation–Behavior–Impact):

• B (or S+B): "In Monday’s client call, you arrived 10 minutes late without notice."
• U: "I know sometimes delays happen unexpectedly."
• I: "But the client mentioned they felt it showed a lack of preparation. It’s already affected their trust."
• L: "How do you see it from your side?"
• D: "Would you be open to notifying the team ahead of time in the future, even with a quick message?"

💡 Tip: When someone doesn’t see the impact, the SBI framework can reinforce the point — by starting with a clear Situation, describing the Behavior, and then emphasizing the real Impact.

Scenario 5: The Person Who Shuts Down or Refuses to Cooperate

"I don’t want to talk about this right now."

Response Strategy (Pause + Permission-Based Approach):

• First, don’t push: "I hear that. I don’t want this to feel forced."
• Invite when ready: "When you’re in a better space to talk, I’d really like to revisit this — because I think it could help us work better together."
• Later re-engage using BUILD: "I’d still appreciate your thoughts on the issue we faced last week with [describe behavior factually]… Can we talk it through when you're ready?"

💡 Tip: Forcing feedback at the wrong time can break trust. Use timing and tone to open the door rather than push it open.

Want to get better at handling these? Roleplay them with a partner and try delivering each part of BUILD calmly and clearly. Consider combining BUILD with frameworks like SBI or Radical Candor when needed. Feedback isn’t a script — it’s a skill you sharpen with practice.

Build the habit progressively. Each microgoal adds one piece of the model until you can run the full I-BUILD. (I₂ = Impact)

Step-by-Step Microgoals:

• Microgoal 1 – Observe Behavior (B): For one week, log clear, factual behaviors (positive & negative). No action yet—train your eye for facts, not labels.
• Microgoal 2 – Curiosity Feedback (I + B + U): Share your Intention, describe the Behavior, then Understand with open questions. Avoid advice; explore context.
• Microgoal 3 – Positive Reinforcement (I + B + I₂): State Intention, describe the Behavior, and name the positive Impact on team/client. Keep it brief and specific.
• Microgoal 4 – Impact Feedback (I + B + U + I₂): Combine curiosity with consequences. Share Intention + Behavior, ask to Understand, then clarify Impact.
• Microgoal 5 – Listening Practice (I + B + U + I₂ + L): Run step 4 but add Listen: Pause → Paraphrase → Probe. Aim for a 50/50 talk ratio.
• Microgoal 6 – Ask for Feedback Yourself: Invite feedback from a peer/manager. Notice what helps you stay open; use those moves when you give feedback.
• Microgoal 7 – Full Conversation (I-BUILD): Deliver the complete flow: Intention → Behavior → Understand → Impact → Listen → Develop. End with one clear next step, owner, and support.

🎯 Tip: After each microgoal, jot a 2-minute reflection: What worked? What felt hard? What will you try next?