Influence is the ability to shape people’s beliefs and behaviors as you desire. It means you can get them to believe in you or your ideas, buy from you, follow you, or take actions that you request of them.

HOW (ULTIMATE INFLUENCE MODEL)

Don’t blame or try to control people, but choose to collaborate. The only way to influence another person is to first relate with them by asking questions or giving praise for their qualities, and secondly by challenging them to think better, do better, or give more of themselves. 3 basics to start with:

• Ask: If you want to have influence in life you have to ask for what you want, and not just once but multiple times. People like you more if you ask them to do a favor, and if you repeatedly ask and share your ideas, they start to become more familiar with your requests and start to like your ideas more. Not only ask what people want but also formulate questions that elicit what they think, feel, want, need, and aspire to, how they’d like to work together, and what outcomes they care about.
• Give and you Shall Receive: You can double your ability to influence others by giving before you ask. Great things to give: trust, autonomy, praise and decision-making authority. You should constantly look for ways to help (= giving) others and be proactive in it. You can do this by carefully considering problems people face, and offer suggestions, resources, and connections.
• Be a champion of people: Find out what your people are passionate about, and cheer on their good ideas. Be excited for people when they do a good job, and praise them. The ultimate measure of whether you really support someone is to trust them, give them the autonomy to make important decisions, and praise them in public when they do well.

TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO THINK

When you try to guide someone’s thinking make it a habit to use one of these phrases: “Think of it this way…”; “What do you think about…”;” What would happen if we tried…”; “How should we approach…” ; “What should we paying attention to…”. Think of someone you want to influence. How do you want them to think about themselves, other people, and the greater world (how it works, what it needs, where it’s headed, and how to change it). As a leader incorporate in every communication (e-mail, meetings,…) how people should think about themselves, competitors, the marketplace,… and why.

CHALLENGE PEOPLE TO GROW

Influence happens by, unconfrontationally, issuing positive challenges to motivate people to excel and grow. In order to inspire action make clear that your intentions are to help someone grow and become better. Speak to them with respect and honor. Challenge each person individually to:

• Develop character: Give feedback, direction, and high expectations to people for living up to values such as honesty, integrity, responsibility, self-control, patience, hard work, and persistence. Direct: “you could do better”, or “you’re better than that”, or “I expected more form you”. Indirect: “how would you best approach this situation?”, “looking back, do you feel you give it your all?”
• Treat others better: You set expectations, ask questions, give examples, or directly ask to improve how to treat or connect with other people. “Listen to, or support each other more”, “Show more respect”, “Spend more time together”, “Give more feedback”. Also respond to bad behavior.
• Contribute: Not only give feedback on quality of current performance but push people to add more value in the future. Challenge to reinvent products, business models,… If needed be direct: “You can do better”. Think about someone’s great contributions and the ones to be improved.

ROLE MODEL THE WAY

Start thinking daily about how you can be a good role model for your family, team, and greater community. It’s not just about being a good person, but about intentionally demonstrating a specific behavior so that others will emulate that exact behavior and improve, which will help move toward a specific result. Think about your role models: what made them amazing? How can you be one too?

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