I'm Relaxed

You can be a relaxed person, no matter how stressed you feel today. The world will not change, therefor feeling stressed or relaxed about it comes from how look at it. In the next few sections you will learn the most important habits of relaxed people. By practicing these habits and making them your own, you will be able to live a more relaxed life.

Before practicing your new habits, you should know that most stress is not real. Stress is something you make up in your mind. One thing that makes you stressful, cannot be stressful for another person. In that sense you should decide for yourself if you want to be a stressful person or a relaxed person. Maybe you have stress about: getting good grades, getting everything right on time, did I please the people, do I fit in? Take a fresh perspective on what makes you stress out and start applying your new habits.

Habit 1: Find out the real deadline

We become stressful when we feel that we have so many things to do, while we only have so much time. We’re reacting to all the things we have to do because we think it’s all due immediately. Ask yourself: what is the real deadline? A real deadline is the moment that everything would fall apart if not done. Think about the worst thing that could happen if you don’ t make it on time. If no real consequences are linked to it, it’s probably not a real deadline and you can postpone it easily. Once you do that, you’ll realize there’s so much more time available to do everything.

Activity:
Review your things to do and ask yourself “what’s the real deadline?”.
When someone asks you for something, you think you have to get to them right away. Even worse when people ask you something, they give you the deadline when they WANT something and not when they NEED something. With the following activity you can buy yourself extra time.
Activity:
When someone needs something of you by a certain date, dare to ask: “When do you need it at latest?”, “What would be the consequences if it’s ready later?”

Habit 2: Ask yourself how important it is

Your mind makes a lot of things more important than they really are. For example, you may be stressed out about cleaning up the house, going to the store, stressing about what other people think of you, etc. Find a moment for yourself to take on some perspective. Your mind will probably come up with reasons to make it important and justify your stress but be cool and ask Is it really that of a big thing? People most of the time don’t think of you. A lot of things that make you stressed are stupid little things.

Activity:
Before you would become stressed out, ask yourself: “Is it really that important?”

Habit 3: Organize your tasks

A lot of stress comes from not having things organized in our lives. Getting organized just means knowing when you will do what. Break down tasks or activities if they are too big. Schedule them on your calendar. A lot of stress is removed if you know it’s in your calendar, and you will do it at a certain day and time.

Activity:
Plan your activities in your agenda or to do list.
Free software tips: “Microsoft To Do”, “Google Calendar”

Habit 4: Turn stress into excitement or challenge

If you want to improve in life, stress will always be there in some sense. Stress means you care, that you are getting out of your comfort zone, getting better. Stress also helps you to stay focused, and increase performance. When stress turns into fear, it’s holding you back from realizing all your potential. Therefor you should manage your stress and utilize it as a tool to pay attention, focus and execute. You can do this by converting the feeling of stress into a feeling of excitement and readiness.

Activity:
When the feeling of stress comes up, convert it into a feeling of excitement.
Examples:
Before a sports game: tell yourself you are ready, excited, that you are going to enjoy it.
Before a presentation: see it as a challenge that excites you, that it will make you better.

Habit 5: Focus on the good

People become stressed because of the fear they have for a certain negative outcome. Maybe they’ll lose something, they don’t believe in their abilities, or they are afraid of disappointment. The best way to overcome this, is by changing your focus towards the things that are good.

  1. Instead of fearing what can you lose, ask yourself what can you win.
  2. Instead of not believing in your abilities, start your journey by taking small steps to develop strength and confidence
  3. Instead of fearing disappointment as an end result, put effort in an enjoyable journey
Activity:
Reduce the stress by thinking about good things: a win, a learning, a journey,…

Habit 6: Don’t blame, but help

Relaxed people don’t stress because other people don’t manage to finish the tasks on time and in the correct way. They realize that not everyone knows everything, and that maybe some knowledge or skills are missing. They know they can’t control everything and focus on what they can control. They see themselves are teaching, as a coach towards other people.

Activity:
When you get frustrated about others, ask: “What support do you need?”

Habit 7: Breathe, and release tension

If you are still stressed after mastering all the previous habits, it’s time to take a break, breathe deeply, go for a walk, a run, a jog. A 20 to 40 minute walk outside can completely open up your mind again, it can help you find back your calmness.

Activity:
When you feel stressed, close your eyes and take a few deep breaths to release the tension.
Other: meditate, distract yourself outside,…