A short story (why this matters)

A project is already late.
Everyone feels it.
Nobody said anything — until now.

Suddenly the feedback is emotional, heavy, and defensive.

Not because people are bad.
But because the feedback came too late.

The uncomfortable truth

Most performance problems are not caused by people.
They’re caused by missed feedback moments.

Not motivation.
Not skill.
Not attitude.

Timing.

The simple secret most trainings miss

Most feedback trainings teach you how to talk.

• Scripts
• Wording
• Conversation techniques

That helps — but it misses the most important element.

👉 Feedback usually fails because of when, not because of how.

Real feedback lives in two dimensions, not one.

The 3 moments of feedback (WHEN)

If you remember only one thing, remember this.

1️⃣ Before the work — Expectations

Feedback starts before anything goes wrong. This is where most leaders fail.

If expectations are not explicit:

• people guess
• misses are inevitable
• feedback feels unfair later

So first:

Say what “good” looks like.

2️⃣ During the work — Reinforce early wins

Don’t wait until the end.

When you see something done well:

• say it
• reinforce it
• lock it in early

This is how good behavior becomes habit.

3️⃣ After a miss — Correct early

When something goes wrong:

• correct it early
• keep it small
• refer back to expectations

This only works if expectations were clear and the person was trained.

If not, don’t correct — develop first.

Not:
“You failed.”

But:
“Here’s what we agreed on. Let’s realign.”

This alone already improves feedback quality.

The hidden pitfall that causes tension

Before giving feedback, ask one question:

Were expectations ever explicit?

• ❌ No → clarify expectations (teach first)
• ✅ Yes → give feedback (coach improvement)

This single question:

• removes blame
• reduces defensiveness
• keeps feedback fair

The building blocks: I-BUILD (HOW)

Once you’ve chosen the moment, you need a structure.

That structure is I-BUILD — and the name matters.

Why “I-BUILD”?

Because feedback is not about breaking people down.
Feedback is about building people and helping them grow.

Your intention is to build — not to judge.
That’s why I comes first.

The I-BUILD blocks

I — Intention (build, don’t blame)

Start by making your intention clear.

“I want to help you succeed.”
“My goal is to make this easier next time.”

This creates safety.

B — Behavior (what you saw)

Describe what actually happened.

• Facts only
• No labels
• No assumptions

Behavior is the anchor.

U — Understanding (before conclusions)

Before reacting, understand.

“Help me understand what happened.”
“What was going on at that moment?”

This is where curiosity replaces judgment.

I — Impact (why it matters)

Behavior without impact feels personal.

Impact makes feedback meaningful.

“This matters because it affects the team / client / result.”

Behavior + Impact is the core of feedback.

L — Listening (make it a dialogue)

Feedback is not a speech.

Pause.
Listen.
Check understanding.

“How do you see it?”
“Did I miss anything?”

D — Develop (next step)

End forward.

Feedback is useless without a next step.

“What’s one thing we’ll do differently next time?”

That’s development.

How the pieces fit together (important)

• Intention, Understanding, and Listening
  happen before and during the moment → they create safety
• Behavior and Impact
  explain what happened and why it matters → they create clarity
• Develop
  points forward → it creates growth

This is why I-BUILD works across all moments.

Three short examples (one per moment)