The Conflict Triangle
[5 min. read] [Impact 96]
How to handle workplace conflict — without rescuing or taking sides
For professionals and leaders who want to resolve tension fast — without becoming the referee.
Most leaders don’t fail at conflict because they are weak. They fail because they rescue.
The Conflict Triangle — Move Them to the Center
A simple model to resolve 90% of workplace conflict — without blame, drama, or over-involvement. Imagine a triangle on the table. Every conflict pulls people to a corner. Leadership means pointing to the center.
Ownership means: each person names their part and commits to a change.
Don’t stand in the center for them. Move them there.
A short story (why this matters)
Two team members argue about a missed deadline.
One says: “I never got the input.” The other says: “You never asked.”
They both come to you. Voices rise. One rolls their eyes. The room tightens.
Look at the triangle above. That pull you feel? It’s the arrow toward the FIX corner.
If you step there, the triangle stays alive, and they keep depending on you. If you move them to the center, it collapses.
The real mistake? Stepping into the Rescuer corner.
The Three Corners Explained
- One corner Feels helpless (Victim): “This is happening to me.”
- One corner blames (Persecutor): “You are the problem.”
- One corner rescues (Rescuer): “Let me fix this for you.”
This model is based on the Drama Triangle (Stephen Karpman), a well-known conflict psychology framework.
The trap? All three avoid ownership.
The Conflict Leadership Model
Step 1 — Decide: Together or Separate?
- If emotions are calm → Bring them together.
- If emotions are high → Speak separately first.
Step 2 — Move Them to Ownership
Your only job is to move people from blame to responsibility. Not to solve the conflict.
If someone comes to you complaining, ask:
- “Have you told them directly?”
If the answer is no:
- “Start there. I’ll support you — but I won’t solve it for you.”
When they are together, guide them with just two questions:
- “What’s your part in this?”
- “What will you both do differently going forward?”
Do not solve the past.
Structure the future by agreeing on new actions.
How This Works in Real Life
Example 1 — Peer Conflict
Marketing complains about Sales.
Leader: “Have you told Sales directly?”
“No.”
“Start there. If it doesn’t resolve, I’ll join.”
Result: Most conflicts resolve before you intervene.
Example 2 — Escalated Tension
They meet together but still argue.
Leader: “Each of you — what could you have done better?”
Silence. Reflection. Shift in tone.
Then: “What will you both do differently next time?”
Agreement forms. Ownership replaces blame.
Early Warning Signs (Act Before It Explodes)
- People complain to you instead of each other
- Eye-rolling in meetings
- Repeated “miscommunication”
- Energy drops when certain names are mentioned
Address tension early — or it will escalate later.
When NOT to Use This Alone
- Harassment or bullying
- Serious power imbalance
- Repeated underperformance
- Ethical violations
Those require direct leadership action — not facilitation.
Why This Works
The Drama Triangle (Stephen Karpman, 1968) explains why blame, helplessness, and rescuing keep conflict alive. Moving people to ownership breaks that dynamic.
Accountability reduces defensiveness faster than argument.
If you remember only one sentence
Ask: “Have you told them?”
Bring them together.
Move to ownership.
Fix the future.
How to explain this in 30 seconds
One blames. One feels helpless. One rescues.
Leaders get pulled to the rescue corner.
But your job is not to stand in the center —
it’s to move them there.”
If you can explain it this simply, you truly understand it.
Move people from corners to ownership — and most workplace conflict resolves itself.
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